A Confession...

 A Confession in retrospect!

Do not dwell in the past...Buddha sermonized and Echart reiterates the power of the now, the present. Makes sense, past is gone hence of little relevance. However there come certain moments that stir the recesses of the subconscious where lie bundled up memories which may not be consciously processed but do loosen up with some emotional stirring up and emotions are the action signals of the subconscious mind. Personally for quite some time now I have been dwelling on the philosophies of just Being in the present,  however I am surprised at my intuitive self being led into the reservoirs of my individual n collective past, and I see myself unfolding the tucked away layers. The Kissan Movement being led by the Chosen Ones, the farmers of Punjab has constantly been nudging the Punjabi within me. 

I feel immensely gratified sitting by my window in my dreamland, experiencing the silences and the subtly settling snow flakes, the visuals I had painted and admired on the X-mas cards I sent and received as a child. These landscapes have now turned out to be real and i am overwhelmed. This is where I had always desired to be.

Yet again there are some Realizations ...

Every time I have read or heard of the benevolence of the Khalsa Aid men reaching out to anyone in distress around the globe I have felt the pride of being a Punjabi. The moving thought is why do we always load the responsibility of our emotions of joy and pride on other’s shoulders. Today the so called global spirit in me raises some questions...Am I not truly more concerned here ... am I not at least a little more into it than the empathy for Black Matters. 

This is maybe the dubious human nature...as much as I see myself to have gone beyond the boundaries of religion and cultures and histories, my conscience  arises to the agonizing experiences of my Punjabi brethren.

These are the men and women who have not lost their sense of belonging. Their simplicity and strife for self reliance and dignity has once again been challenged. However here Intuitively ( and hopefully) I see a Higher Purpose. These peasants are the Shepherds (Moses) chosen to lead. 

I started this blog as a confession which it is in every which way...in reminiscence I see my soul in this life to have chosen to come thru a  Bedi mother with an ancestry of Guru Nanak and to be a protege of a Sodhi father from Guru Gobind Singh’s lineage. Though well rooted in the doctrines of Sikhism, my literate progressive and all inclusive parents sent me to Catholic schools and institutions. At home there always was a sacred room with Shri Guru Granth Sahib and some Sikh relics where my God fearing mom was usually found reciting Gurbani in her so called “me time”. Here in all times of my little n big issues I  entered with folded hands asking for or thanking for something or the other. At school there was a different religion a different culture where the Irish nuns sermonized the Bible. The formal world of learning outside home introduced me to a wider world view and a closeness to English and world literatures somehow drifting me to lands beyond. Moreover growing up in a simultaneously growing urban city of Chandigarh, the peasants life came only in glimpses during the picnics or random visits to the villages. For the initial twenty years I heard of Punjab only from my Civil Servant father and a fully assimilated urban mother, until I married into a family well rooted in the authentic Punjabi culture. Here I was a “someone else” though happily getting a closer rub with intricacies of a Punjabi life even while  my sportsman husband had me settle in another cosmopolitan environment on a sports campus amongst neighbours and colleagues from diverse states and nations. This diversity and a distanced relationship with the real Punjab created a dissonance between me and my roots. 

Today, however I do feel a closeness to the culture I have moved away from. Sometimes distance and objectivity provides a clarity. Recently my adult son asked me how I felt and thought about the major transformations and metamorphic changes that the generations have experienced through the last decades. My spontaneous response dwelt on the shifts in human behaviour and advancement that has been more or less megalomaniac in character. The confused humans have lost a sense of belonging. An unbalanced focus on freedom and progress has led us  to an egoistic belief centred on the scientific powers rather than the revelations or abstractions. The racing technology may have reduced physical distances nonetheless the emotional empathy is at loss thus causing fragmented psyches each one in pursuit of higher skies without testing the wings. As W.B. Yeats put it “ the falcon has lost touch with the falconer.”

I am an optimist and in no way want to create an image of “things fallen apart” and in the chivalrous yet peaceful staging of Punjab’s hurt sentiments I definitely see a restoration of humility and valour in a bigger framework! 

The affirmative challenge taken by the Farmers is a sign of hope as I keep saying I personally see a Higher Purpose here

All we need to do is swim through our cultural waters to reach out to our dreamlands rather than flying over the bridges.